‘Just Use the China’ or ‘Call 1-800-Got-Junk’: Readers on Inheriting Keepsakes
‘I am fairly certain that it’s all going to end up in a Dumpster somewhere, and that makes me sad.’
Some older readers were disappointed that their children did not care about their heirlooms.
“I am 55 years old. My … son is 31. I’ve had ‘the talk’ with my son and he’s making it both easier for me and more difficult. He wants nothing. I am fairly certain that it’s all going to end up in a Dumpster somewhere, and that makes me sad. Yet, I also don’t want to burden him with a bunch of unwanted (from his perspective) junk. This is an emotionally fraught issue and I don’t there are no easy answers.”
— Trixie Spishak in Mountain Home, Arkansas
“My generation used to scrimp and resourcefully use everything. My 20-something children prefer to have kits from Ikea rather than castoffs I put aside.”
— Nancy Garcia in California
‘Now we’re supposed to buy houses we can’t afford just to store your stuff?’
Many younger readers countered that they live in smaller spaces far longer than their parents did, and they simply lack space.
“We all live in studio or one bedroom apartments well into our 30s. Now we’re supposed to buy houses we can’t afford just to store your stuff?”
— Jessica Hobbs, via Facebook
“Gen X-ers and older millennials are also contending with as many as four households of parental belongings, if a young couple are both children of divorce. It ... makes us want to curl into a ball and plead ‘no room for any of it, at all.’
— Sarah in New Hampshire
‘I think it’s a process that needs to start well before parents retire or are beginning to ail.’
If both sides can feel slighted, where to begin? Readers of all ages chimed in with thoughts on having “the conversation” about what to pass down and what to throw out.
“I’m only 27 and I have this conversation almost every time I go to their house. I think it’s a process that needs to start well before parents retire or are beginning to ail. My parents know their stuff isn’t special, they’ve just accumulated it and feel like parting with it is a waste of the money they spent on it.”
— Vanessa Ceballos, via Facebook
“A friend of mine took three years and five estate sales to get rid of all of the stuff his parents left behind. My daughter asked me to please not do that to her. Together we downsized my home and went through all of the stuff I got from my mom, and now she has the stuff that is meaningful to HER. Don’t place this unwanted burden on your kids just because you can’t break with traditions.”
— Tizoc Acar, via Facebook
‘It was an awful, awful, awful, filthy, distressing, boring, time-consuming, backbreaking job.’
Some suggested to start sorting through items before moving plans are made or people fall sick or die in order to mitigate the emotional aspect of deciding what to keep.
“My father passed away in May and it took me six weeks to sort through everything in my parents’ house, garage, and yard. Six weeks of four to eight hours working on that project daily. It was an awful, awful, awful, filthy, distressing, boring, time-consuming, backbreaking job. I have vowed NOT to do that to my own children.”
— Millie Allred, via Facebook
“When my stepmother passed away unexpectedly, I had all the grandchildren tag the books and art they wanted with sticky buttons. It gave my dad the comfort of having [those items] until he died. One of the most inspired ideas I had in that stage of sadness.”
— P. Dunbar in California
‘One way to preserve everything for family history is to photograph it all.’
Scan old photos to save space, and photograph heirlooms to keep a record, many readers advised.
“One way to preserve everything for family history is to photograph it all. This could include photos of whole rooms as well as individual objects. I wish I had done this with my parents stuff.”
— Mskeeters in Norman, Okla.
“As an only child I inherited many cartons of photographs from my parents (some of which were their own parents’ photos). Now in my 60s I still have those plus even more boxes of photos of our own three children. I started scanning and digitizing some but it is a long slow process, one photo at a time. I feel weighed down and burdened by this closet full of photographs I have moved with many times. I feel an obligation to preserve our family’s history but feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume.”
— Carol Ann Parker, via Facebook
‘It’s nice to drink from a cup of fine china once you stop worrying about breaking it.’
Use it now, said many readers. Don’t wait until someone dies to pull out the good china, which seemed to be one of the biggest points of contention among generations.
“I have inherited a ton of china and crystal. Instead of keeping it for big occasions I use it on a daily basis.”
— Malina in Paris
“Just use the china and silver for everyday use. It doesn’t need to sit in a closet.”
— ARB in Seattle
‘The easiest option for us was to call 1-800-Got-Junk.’
When you decide what not to keep, where should you take it? Readers had many suggestions about parting with heirlooms.
“I am 62 years old. My husband and I still work full time and are too old to be bothered with garage or estate sales, so the easiest option for us was to call 1-800-Got-Junk. They sent five guys who cleared the six rooms in six hours, and took it all away for $1200.”
— Motown Mom in Michigan
“We are in our early 60s. Four years ago we moved from a large house in Iowa to a smaller home in the mountains of Colorado. Our children didn’t want any of our furnishings, including several antique pieces. So we decided to sell almost all of our furniture and many other furnishings through Craigslist.”
— Peter Scanlon in Woodland Park, Colo.
“What’s wrong with donating directly to the charities that support our new refugee immigrants? They come here with nothing and need to furnish their apartments here.”
— Out of Stater in Colorado
‘I’ve seen more arguments over Tupperware, jewelry and guns than I have over money.’
Many readers with relevant professional experience offered advice to their generational cohorts.
“I’m a probate lawyer. In 25 years, I’ve seen more arguments over Tupperware, jewelry and guns than I have over money. Money’s easy to divide (assuming there’s no fraud or malfeasance), but the “stuff” is what triggers the sibling dysfunction, for sure. Add in siblings-in-law, and bring popcorn for the show.”
— Julie M. in Texas
“I will say that as a hospice nurse, I have witnessed fights breaking out between siblings and other family members over seemingly trivial things and the patient in the home had not even died yet. The best thing to do is to give away treasures while you are very much alive as gifts. And pets need to be considered — so many go to shelters after a death. It is sad to see an elderly dog or cat or bird end up that way.”
— Janice Nelson in Park City, Utah
“As a professional art appraiser, I do see this all the time. This older generation should please do a better job of explaining why they have the things that they do. The generation after that should not be so quick to just dismiss all that their parents and grandparents own.”
— Claudia Worthington Hess in California
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